Archive for May 17th, 2012

On Friday, May 2012, a friend on facebook posted  a story of a woman who was seeking  advice in her marriage. This is the stroy “My husband pregnants every house maid that comes our home and I have  children from them in the house just because I  wanted to keep my marriage. Last year I discovered weird  things in the house and I started having bad dreams and our children too, one night I woke up and found him holding a knife almost killing me. We separated bedrooms and for the last 4 months, and packed out of his house with my children”.

This story  is one of the many stories  of women  who continue to suffer  the same way on a daily basis.

When I read this post  I immediately responded that its good she took a bold decision of moving  on  and she needs to be supported on  how to move forward, re-organise herself and look after her children and that this step she  took  was the beginning of  a new life  and freedom from  the  bondage of  her abusive husband.

To my disbelief a female friend of my friend on facebook(Nancy not her real name)  commented that the bible says God hates divorce and He never makes mistakes. He is waiting for bended knees…  She further mentioned that I should think about her  children  being denied of  their father’s presence in their lives “here I am thinking prayer is the  best weapon… otherwise  she should not  be deceived  by the so called women activists  who many not feel her pain” she said

 Two female friends who I feel shared the same feeling with me commented that “Rather than save her marriage, she needs to save her  life. If I were in her shoes, I would  go start  a new life  with my own kids even if  from Zero. Even without a father  children can still grow”.  “Some men are monsters, this one needs to be put in the zoo”.

 I reminded  Nancy that marriage is supposed to be  peaceful and enjoyable and a woman her children can survive without the ‘beast’ husband and the possibility of bring HIV and Aids in this marriage. Nancy’s response was that it is me, who is far from reality  and she went ahead to ask me  my view on FOR WORSE in marriage vows?  This conversation made me realize  how religion has been used  to suffocate women’s rights. Does for Worse in marriage vows  mean a man killing a woman with a knife, sleeping  with any skirt  that passes his eyes. So what kind of marriage is that?

Nancy went further to say “nowonder the marriage institution today has lost  meaning  because of misleading  women activists… thus I stick to my point, she should pray or else if she follows Loyce’s advice she will end up in hell at the end of the day”

 Then, there was pastor who joined the discussion, and his reaction was that the marriage can be repaired through counselling and prayer, though he questioned why that infidelity?

A male friend also joined the conversation and this was his comment “I add my voice  to  those proposing prayer because it is the only thing  that can change any situation. Now what should we do to the pregnanter? Of course he is fulfilling the purpose….”

I learnt a lot from this conversation regarding violence against women, religion and patriarchy. Patriarchy and religion normalizes violence against women and dis-empowers women the more. I end by emphasizing that  this woman should move on instead of  holding on to a sinking boat.

“Not the Church, not the state, Women must decide   their own Fate”

Over to you readers. What advice would you give  this woman?

Image Source: Truthhunger 

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